I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
