oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
handjob tips. give me some.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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