Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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