What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
