You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
