Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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