She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
