So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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