note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
