bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
