I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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