Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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