She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my shit smells like andre
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
