Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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