My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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