Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
