I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
