I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I could make wine with my vomit
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
