well I can't set my house on fire every night
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My liver just had a heart attack.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
