i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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