Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
