If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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