I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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