Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
how does that bad decision feel?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
