would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
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