i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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