I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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