What did we do last night that was yellow?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
