So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
