I'm gonna have a badass scar
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
