Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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