I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
