My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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