you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
