Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
