Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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