oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
