Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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