Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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