if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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