i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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