So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
