My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
