To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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