i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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