I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
