her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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