I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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