So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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