What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We are two peas in an std pod
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We left the knife in your bed.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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