if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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