I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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