Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
