walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's blow job season.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
