Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
