Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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