Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
