Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize