I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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