What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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