I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
