she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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