I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
