how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
