"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
