ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
